Dear mom and dad,
I love you. Three very simple words. I've said it before and I'll be saying it for the rest of my life. In this past year and a half I've become a family with Matt and Jadabelle, I've pondered us having a child of our own, gone to trying to have a baby, to 2 very disappointing miscarriages. I want nothing more than to be a mom...to be a parent. It is an all-consuming thought, an obsession, that I can never get to leave my head...I need to be a parent. Throughout this experience I cant sleep much at night... so I think a lot, reflect and pray. Ive found myself in many different emotions: sad, this is obvious. Angry, the forever unanswereable question of why me. Depressed. Bitter. Ive found the green-eyed monstered in me...I'm jealous of so many people, random women in the store...my co-workers and friends...my family that are parents already and...my husband. Matt has become a parent already and I envy this fact. But my husband is amazing. He is more than I deserve...he is kind and charitable, godly and wise, patient and loving....and he is always, always, always here for me. More than all of that, he is a great Dad. He is silly and sweet and strong and protective. He is consistent, supportive and always shows genuine excitment with every new thing Jada has to share. He is always respectiveful to Jada's mother. He has never spoken a negative word about her to his daughter and never puts Jada in the middle of any disagreement. Matt is a great example to Jada of the kind of man with qualities than she should look for in her enevitable match. I love him so much. I want a son because it would be a new experience for Matt and me both. But I want a daughter because of the kind of father I know he is to Jada.
I also find myself feeling grateful. For the kind of husband I have, and for my parents. Mom and Dad, you have given me an example of the sort of parent I hope to be. Loving, supportive, genuine, and fair. I love you guys. Thank you. It is because of you that I was able to seek out and value the qualities I've found in Matt. I'm grateful for my nieces and nephew and for their amazing parents. I'm grateful for possibilities.
"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on." ~ Robert Frost
Tears.... I love you!!!!! :))))))) And I will remind you of what mom told me when I wanted a baby so bad. "God didn't give you the desire to want to be a mother only to not fulfill it." Turns out she was right (shocker), and I got to be a mom to the kids God picked for me in the right timing. It's hard to wait, but God will give you the desire of your heart - but it may come in a way other than you expect. Look for that...
ReplyDeleteDear Loving Wonderful,
ReplyDeleteLove and children are two of God's best creations! He LOVES love! He LOVES your desire to be a parent. As Rachel said, God did not give you this desire to torment you...he plans to bring it to pass. I know this because he says in his Word that when a child asks for bread, his father does not give him a stone! He also says that he will use us to comfort others with that which we have been comforted. So, someday, like Rachel, you will bring wisdom and comfort to someone waiting for a child -- because God MULTIPLIES love like he multiplies loaves and fishes....and butterflies. I love you little sweetheart, always!
( BTW you picked a good one to be the father of your kids! )